i had the chance to reflect upon the Lord's Table over the last couple of weeks.  as i spent some time considering the importance of being obedient to the Lord's command much comes to mind.  something that is almost waving at me is discussed below.  the more i think about it, the more i realize that not only is giving thanks and partaking of the bread and cup remembrance of the Lord's sacrifice, but also a reminder of His necessity.  in providing me with an opportunity to truthfully examine myself, i am reminded that nothing i have done can save me from judgment. i am but a sinner saved not by works or goodness, but grace...in much need of our Saviour. a corollary of this is the realization that i have no right to place myself above/judge others (tsk tsk for my previous post). knowing that i am partaking in a meeting which remembers the Lord on Sunday is a reminder and encourager for me over the week to be honest with the sinful self, to exercise humility as Christ did on Calvary (and throughout his entire ministry on earth), and to come to a continual understanding that i need to seek reconciliation with those that i have judged - all of which go hand in hand.  with that in mind...

i remember what someone shared at the last CCF meeting i attended.  being quite honest, he laid out that when he spoke to individuals who were obviously not as intellectual as he was, he had a tendency to be judgmental in a dismissive way. i wondered how that could ever come about, but recently i find myself moving in the same direction. over the last couple of months, i have felt so frustrated by the sharing of fellow brethren during meetings which are not grounded in scripture, that virtually arise from and are laced with emotion, and that sport a (hopefully) innocent kind of guile.  i have become frustrated with brethren engaging in bible bashing and increasingly annoyed with the attitude (read: constant lack of joy, casual manner, and lack of practice/skill) in those serving during the worship ministry. i have been puzzled by those who have dismissed others by simply stating something akin to "well, that's your own opinion." <-- a comment which itself is nonsensical, and if actually applied, would do nothing but render the very essence/desired outcome of that statement moot.  the result is that i have come to an appreciation of how easy it is to become judgmental and have caught myself in the act. 

i am so glad that i had the communion conversation.  i've said it before, and i'll say it again, God speaks to facets of our lives in all sorts of ways.  i am thankful once again that he has pointed me to the cross, to His humility, obedience, and love.  i thank God (tho it's difficult to swallow; even more difficult to accept and apply) that He has flagged me for attitude reorientation. i must say PTL for the encouraging Word in Paul's letter to the Corinthians: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

for the last several years i have taken one tidbit of advice to heart - apply yourself wholly to the text and apply the text wholly to yourself.  yet, this time i feel that it is ever so important for the sake of the body that we learn to exercise humility and love together to allow Christ to be magnified - for the sake of koinonia (hmmm, season...no wonder that word is on the tip of my tongue/fingers); for communion.

Lam 3:
24Jehovah is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. 25Jehovah is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul [that] seeketh him.

i need that to be a reality today more than ever as i find the flesh so powerful, so deceitful, so relentless in what it longs for.  Lord help me to possess nothing this day but be one member of a people for a possession.

i've never really had much appreciation for the encouragement to "let go and let God."  in fact, just the other day, i was having a discussion with a friend concerning how the empty cliche does a real disservice to Christianity. i argued that so many times, we get confused with what it means to let go. that scary as it may seem, we get in the habit of letting go to the point of reckless abandon. that when circumstances make us cringe we mistakenly push our responsibility onto God.  "now God, you must do it, because i cannot be bothered with sorting my mess.  God i let go, and let you."   while some may disagree, i dare to say that the sorting and cleaning up of the mess is the process that we cannot afford to give up.  that in working out the details of each mishap, grievance, mistake, we learn about forgiveness, brokenness, humility, and grace. 

for a long time now, i've been chasing after a thing. i am certain that thing is what God wants for His word tells me so. yet i've been encountering many difficulties trying to bridge the gap. it's been a virtual hourly grief for me.  i've received advice about giving up, to forget about it, to stop being selfish. i often wished it could be so simple as to "let go" and hope things would be sorted out by themselves (or by Himself). but in my pursuit i've come to realize that God works thru people, and when people give up, God loses a vehicle by which He does work.  in essence letting God is a difficult thing when people let go. (as an aside i'm sometimes amazed at how 'universal' newtonian mechanics seem to be.  if work = force * distance, then in order for work to be done, the driving force must move us over some distance.)  

tonite, i see a little more. "let go and let God" took on a new meaning for me several hours ago.  i saw that in letting go, we're not called to let go of what He's called or convicted us to do, but to let go of the baggage - whether it be emotions, attachment, pride, stubborness, possessions - that prevents us from saying, we let God.  in letting go, we don't deny God or what he's asked us to do, rather we deny the self and its flesh. in so doing, we are freed to let God: 1) 'do' and importantly 2) 'do' thru us.